Penis-Shaped UFO Photographed Over Johnstown, Ontario (Not Kidding)

Is this a sign that they’re screwing with us?

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UFOs come in all shapes and sizes but the lights on this one would have you think it was  shaped like a dong.

A few days ago, readers of a popular UFO subreddit were the first to see this intriguing image of an unidentified flying object. The sighting caused a lot of reactions and a basketload of male sex organ jokes. No one expected otherwise, this is the internet after all.

The uploader of the image, user georgeiscurios said he saw the object as it was crossing the St. Lawrence river at approximately 10:30 P.M. It was its unusual shape that caught his attention and his only regret was that his iPhone 5 wasn’t able to take a photo with better resolution.

When I pulled over to take the pic, I thought to myself “that is an enormous Johnson.”

 

The object, which appears huge considering the apparent distance that separated it from georgeiscurious, slowly moved in a straight line from south to north.

It made no sudden changes in direction or outlandish maneuvers. Standard aircraft are required to have blinking lights, but the ones on this object were solid.

Another thing that looked solid was the object itself, and the witness claimed “there seemed to be a shape, as these lights all moved in unison and were perfectly parallel to eachother.”

The object was completely silent as it flew above the witness and once it crossed the river, the lights shut down and it seemed to have vanished.

There are no military bases in the area.

Some were quick to point out the UFO could have been a blimp but this theory can be easily shut down with one simple argument: the weather wouldn’t permit their safe flight. This time of the year, Canada sees cold temperatures and windy weather and that would pose a serious hazard to a blimp and its pilots.

If you check the Goodyear blimp’s schedule, you’ll see they are only flying in states with clear, warm weather.

Also, blimps and all other aircraft are required to have FAA-mandated lighting. This object has no blinking lights. And the shape we’re seeing in the photo doesn’t match with a blimp, it looks more like a zeppelin. But those haven’t been used in 80 years so what gives?

 

Furthermore, blimp engines are noisy and out there where it was quiet, the witness should have been able to hear them. Instead, all he heard was dead silence and probably the sound of his own heartbeat.

A blimp’s purpose is advertising. Therefore, it is equipped with lights that make its body visible to the people below. The message needs to be seen in order for the blimp to justify its presence.

Evidence seems to suggest this was not a blimp but something entirely different. If it was man-made, then ha-ha, nice prank!

If it wasn’t man-made and the work of extraterrestrials, one can only wonder what their intentions were.

Among members of the modern human race, the symbolism of the penis shape is well-known. Most of the times, it does not have a positive connotation attached to it. Have the aliens understood the intricacies of sarcastic imagery? Are they calling us dicks? Are they saying we’re not so different after all? Was the UFO piloted by teen aliens?

Is this the literal definition of space junk? I’ll see myself out.